I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
