I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Two words: blizzard sex
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
