Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
