We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Randomize
