Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
