I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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