I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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