you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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