You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
