Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
