I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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