This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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