just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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