like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
