A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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