I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
