hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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