Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
