i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
did i just pee glitter
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
