Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
