At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
