I just pynch a tree in the face
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
