failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
