in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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