I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
