Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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