I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
