went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
