i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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