so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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