What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
