Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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