Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
