Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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