Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
