My boss' voice literally gives me gas
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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