i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
