I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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