So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
