Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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