Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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