eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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