There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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