office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
