I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
So gin and wine won't be happening again
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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