I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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