You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Found your dick twin last night
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
