I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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