so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
