He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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