I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Randomize
