We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
