Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
is wine microwaveable?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
